why?

i hate not knowing if i am making a bad decision... or just not knowing if i am making the right one.
things should never be that hard someone once told me & that is all that i keep thinking. this is hard. i am so profoundly confused and unsure of myself.
i don't know if it is me or just the rather overwhelming source of my confusion. somehow i think if all this occurred a month ago, three months ago, i wouldn't be this stupid and torn. i feel like i know in my heart what the right decision is, but i am refusing to just let go. i am steadfastly holding onto a sinking ship & maybe a ghost... maybe this is all just in my head? i am just being a flake &; confused?
i do not know... maybe i do
... but for now, i just wish my chest didn't feel like it was being crushed...